Angel of Justice

There are times when we’re emotionally and spiritually drained & vulnerable. Time when we can easily lose our cool even against slightest trigger encountered in life. Small trivial incident may tickle the epicentral of our temper to explode. What a disaster!

It’s a human’s biggest source of failure indeed, the incapacity to control the emotional drive. Especially the negative vibe radiates from deep inside us.

I don’t know how, but I’m feeling that the pour of justice may be on its way currently. Something long thought as irregular emotional reaction against the past painful trauma may now at the paycheck table. We are only normal human beings after all, ain’t a saint yet.

Everyone of us on earth is mortal eventually, be prepared to embrace the end of the journey one day by always observing our words, attitude and by giving out as massive acts of kindness to others as possible. Before it’s too late, before the Angel of Justice has almost made His arrival at our doorway. Be prepared!

And for those who are still struggling at the moment: in out loud pain or in silence, may the love of universe be with u. May God’s divine mercy is showered to u more than His sword of justice. May all of us experience eternal painless peace in the end💗

Can We Kiss Forever?

Wijayakusuma flower (Lat. Epiphyllum oxypetalum)

No living creatures on earth created emotionless. Every heart longs for a loving place as a dwelling place, but not all destined to have the lasting history. Those with ships to harbor their hearts are still at risk for being stormed and drowned by the heavy wind and waves.

“Whenever you and I, we dive
I crossed the ocean of my mind
But in the end I drown
You push me down, down”

Only selfless human’s love has the most chance to survive, it’s a love which is as pretty and pure as whitest cotton, as beautiful and fragrant as some most eye indulging flowers on earth, and as cute as the most innocent bubbling baby’s smile. Selfless love gives away as much as possible and counts back almost nothing.

Dusk Till Dawn

•But you’ll never be alone
I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn
I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn
Baby, I’m right here.
I’ll hold you when things go wrong
I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn
I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn
Baby, I’m right here•

Never a fan of Zayn but once a while when One Direction still existed. Nevertheless, the chorus and lyrics of the song are beautiful and relevant to my personal view about faithfulness in loving, i.e. staying true with that emotion from beginning until the end of time: from dusk till dawn.

We don’t need lengthy sweet talks or too many beautiful sentences to express the depth of our love. What required more are love heroes who are courageously put into actions all theories of love and many other philosophical teachings about loving others or self giving in real actions! Loving does not necessarily mean giving up our values or our personal vows despite love needs immersion of hearts. To love does not always need to connect physically to each other. Deep caring love can tele-communicate, emotional frequency is tele-transporting since the depth of the connection is unexplained with words. Loving hearts can ‘feel’ the emotion of one another despite of distance.

The strength of true love is unbeatable, the loyalty is solid: from dusk till dawn as it supersedes personal ego.

“I don’t think you will ever fully understand How you touched my life, And made me who I am” (Stephanie Schiavone – Dream Keeper)


I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate?
And do they know
The places where we go
When we’re grey and old
Cause I have been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold.

So when I’m lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel that love is dead
I’m loving angels instead. And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I’m right or wrong.

Down the waterfall. Wherever it may take me. I know that life won’t break me
When I come to call she won’t forsake me
I’m loving angels instead.

When I’m feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above.
And I know I’ll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I’m loving angels instead.

And through it all, she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I’m right or wrong.
And down the waterfall. Wherever it may take me. I know that life won’t break me
When I come to call she won’t forsake me
I’m loving angels instead.

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I’m right or wrong
And down the waterfall. Wherever it may take me.
I know that life won’t break me
When I come to call she won’t forsake me
I’m loving angels instead


Olympus has (almost) fallen: hard and half dead!😞

Don’t Quit
by John Greenleaf Whittier

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is strange with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns
And many a failure comes about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out.
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell just how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit.
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Oh hell yaaa. Sound familiar, all those positive lines of words. We survive in most cases, but since we are imperfect mortal beings, there would always stumbling blocks come and go in life. Some are minors, causing headaches few days and they’re wrapped. Major one/s? Puuiiih: sleep disorders, nauseas, tummy upsets, miserable uncertainty. But wait, no matter how bad those big issues affect us, it’s not a checkmate yet. Never. Fighters don’t give up without fighting back and stick to the fights. Olympus should not fall (yet). Agree that in most cases, success is failure turned inside out.

Alexander Graham Bell said “when one door closes, another door opens, but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” It sounds real, moving and encouraging. We may on purposely dumb ourselves to hear the inner voices to let go and move forward, because honestly who says it’s easy to detach ourselves from some sentimental memories. I type this and speak to myself to release & move on (but really, in tears and bleeding heart).

Here’s another popular saying to mend a broken emotion: “when life gives u lemon, made a lemonade.” Looks perfect for some cases, but for massive life changing situation? Still, despite not easy it may be the right moment to exercise all those sweet hopeful faithful prayers: Don’t tell God U have a big problem, tell problem U have a big GOD. Amen.

The Queen’s (Gambit)

The above Netflix miniseries are amazing and worth to watch. I especially enjoyed the initial sessions where orphanage chess prodigy Beth Harmon confidently (despite she’s actually under the influence of tranquilizers which was commonly dispensed to orphans during the setting of the movie) beat the arrogant male champion in her first ever regional chess tournament. Later due to time constraint to watch all episodes, I chose to read the synopsis and picked only episodes considered most interesting.

If in chess the Queen’s Gambit is about the initial strategy in order to win the game, here I am going to talk about another meaning of gambit. This gambit also relates to strategy and move, but otherwise dodge or tricky. My previous writing at: has discussed lightly about a character alike.

Some people enjoy the trick to pose as multiple personalities, using numerous identities with whatever reasons they have in mind. Mostly with the purpose to bamboozle their targets to believe otherwise. Persons like this may assume it is for fun (stupidly non-relatable assholes to associate tricking others merely to enjoy its sensational thrills), others may come out with the idea to seek for attention, or because of the uncontrollable emotional drives to be manipulative.

People with such negative intention should actually seek help or at least fight back to overcome the excessive strong drive to act pretentiously using various false identities to fool others. Despite it may be a sign of psychological disorders, no secret some do it on purpose for personal gains: using various names, personal profile pictures, or acting or talking as if there are different personalities (in one person). Shame on these cheap manipulative juggles!

Do not try to fool the eyes of the Queen: deeply mesmerizing and penetrating with the capacity
to recognize hidden schemes.

Sleeping With the Enemy

Friend ‘ciak’ (eats) friend, or worse, your most beloved ones whom u care and love so much in contrary have the heart to ‘kill’ your esteem (and existence) brutally and savagely, as described beautifully here by the above pictures.

I remembered watching the movie when I was still really young, innocent and fully in love with life. “Sleeping With The Enemy” was well-played by the ‘Pretty Woman’ Julia Roberts, and oooh one of the soundtracks I posted at the link below, doesn’t it sound and ‘feel’ beautiful, soul-touching and dreamy?

Since the movie was released in early 90s, I couldn’t really recall the whole plots in detailed so I googled it to refresh my memory. However, one scene I remembered the most even before refreshing the plot was the take where wife (Julia) was considered not hanging the hand towel as neat and as the standard set by her abusive husband, violence took place immediately resulting her to those blue black bruises all over her face. What a degrading and horrifying scene really and sadly it still stays in my memory until now😞. If for such a trivia reason, violence can be triggered, u can imagine how much pain resulted and how dangerous abusiveness is in reality.

In this transparent world, we have all made aware of the grave impacts of (domestic) violence to victims, the most vulnerable is women and children . Many discussions and concerns have been brought to public re: the danger of violence. The United Nation General Assembly has even designated November 25 as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.

As responsible members of the society, we are all called to actively observe and participate in the prevention or halting of such incidents to take place around us. in its website writes that one in three women worldwide experiences physical or sexual violence, mostly by an intimate partner. Violence against women and girls is a human rights violation, and its immediate and long-term physical, sexual, and mental consequences for women and girls are devastating, and deadly.

In many cases, actors of violence do not (want to) admit they need help, that being abusive is more on self control and anger management. On the other hand, most of these people would put the blame on the victims, citing that victims are the cause of them being abusive, therefore deserve to violence.

In a more law-abided society, rules of laws to protect the vulnerable from such unfortunate treatment have long been drafted and promulgated, providing legal platform to prosecute the actors as criminals. Hopefully this legal protection is also extended to the least fortunate groups of people in developing or under developed countries. Many factors apart from high emotional level and weak self control are considered to be the primary cause of violence. Local cultural practices and wisdom by positioning women as subordinates (rather than partners) to men, patriarchal superiority and low financial status and poor education to women, they are all factors to violence. The list continues.

Nonetheless, not a single of these background and reasons should be considered a legitimate and acceptable excuse to act abusively to partners or family members, especially that to women and children. Imagine the fear your spouses have to endure in spending their lives with abusive partners, let alone the negative mental impact to children in witnessing or even experiencing being abused themselves.

‘Sleeping With The Enemy’ successfully portraits the pain and the grave impacts of abusive treatments to its victims. Some are fortunate to get through the darkest phase in their lives as survivors, sadly the unfortunate ones must let go their battles and take off. Whatever the end game, survivors could almost never heal completely. There are times from even a tiny similar incident encountered by fellow victim or news of violence spread in community could enough bring back the sadness and the never completely healed bleeding pain. It forever stays unconsciously and keeps haunting deep inside.

If only all human beings, especially those physically stronger and more capable to protect, could spread more love rather than violence and abusiveness, the world will be more colorful, at peace and filled with the never ending heavenly love: the delicate emotion perfectly pictured through this beautiful music, there’s only peace and heavenly aura surrounds us. It’s love 💗

Ain’t No Angel

•Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day•

Life. There’s so much uncertain emotional state in this jungle where we breathe and make our living. We can once be thrown to the highest emotional level, but allowed to fall to the lowest bottom of the ground not long afterwards. Who can secure eternal happiness or steady good mood all life long when we are still mortal beings?

Even when we try to spend our lives as carefully as possible that we’re deemed to almost never violate the ground rule of loving others, can it guarantee that life eventually would always be bed of roses? Honestly, we ain’t angels. All pain, sadness, disappointments and other long list of negative emotions would surely still be on our plates in spending the terms in this world. Human beings will never be good enough to be totally absent from those sad and painful chapters in their lives. We know too well the history of our first ancestors who have traded their purity and graciousness with their curiosity, stubbornness and eagerness to excel as if the Holy Creator through the poisonous false promises from that ugly cunning slippery mouth of the snake!

If that rule of creation is well-digested and accepted, who are there to blame? Most would direct their fingers to that ‘silly’ greedy pair of man and his woman for letting themselves being tricked by that ugly fraudster. Others may even throw fit to the Creator of Life to have allowed such incident to take place, He the Almighty would absolutely hold the power to take action long before mischiefs took place. When insanity overcrowding the veins of my blood, I also tend to put the burden to human’s fate! Such a severe bad luck from that wrong choice by our ancestors eventually prescribed the long rough never ending unhappiness in the future to all mankind afterwards, including to us at the moment and in the future.

No good deeds a human being carries out wholeheartedly in living the life are considered good enough or eligible to free that person from even a single pain or sadness due to the original sin. It seems that almost all label of religions take this proposition as a primary truth. Even Karl Marx’s popular citation which says that: “it (religion) is the opium of the people”, before extended it further to refer “religion as the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions” fails to undermine the strong value of that primary truth.

Needless to say, the ending phrase would be: we ain’t angels, we are never good enough to be pure and sinless! That second chance is no way a guarantee either. We are however should feel grateful enough to be given an opportunity to record a shorter list of negative traits in our books of life, to be used at our final examinations when comes the time for each of us!

Despite the above contemplative paragraphs, accumulation of mellow feelings and sadness at heart is not promptly cleared and neutralized. No woman no cries, as tears only stop when life journey has arrived at the next level, when the heartbeat halts at the end of the long painful trip. Clearly understand that despite am not an immortal, there’s still a ray of hope for a 2nd chance, a hope that one day there’d be some comfort found in the arms of an Angel💗

Standing Bold & Pretty

Standing out differently does not necessarily mean that we’re weird or anti-mainstream. Eccentricity is indeed unique, interesting and unusually sexy! Yes, u got me right. U’re hot the way u’re, no need artificial touch ups or camouflage.
Here’s a picture of piles of catchy “Kecombrang” (lat. Etlingera elatior) at a traditional wet market. They have unusual outlook and good smell.

In our early life journey, hardly we realized how much we have unconsciously picked up from our surroundings and those who were closed to us. It might be our parents, siblings, our close relatives, house assistant/s, friends or even friends of our friends or people encountered in our growing up process. What makes us now if traced back may include a long list of names, figures, characters, incidents and experiences.

When I was still very young at primary school, I remembered to always admired a bunch of young polished girls who were at the same class with me. They were from well-off families, or at least that’s what the impressions sent out to others through how they talked, their school accessories (bags, pencil cases, cute pens or pencils, erasers etc), jewelries they wore and even from the generosity of regular gifting to teachers. I honestly was not in the same financial position as theirs, but then we all went to the same school and even sit in the same classes until we graduated to junior high (there was no practice yet at the time to roll students to different classes every year like now, so we’d meet the same flocks of classmates from the beginning to the end of the study terms). How much at the time, my innocent young mind sometimes wanted to look or imitate them, at least up to certain point: the easy access to always being appointed to represent the class to the more polished (and considered more sophisticated) cultural performances or competitions, meaning some dancing rehearsals and other fine/more delicate activities, rather than the girl scout or sport events during class meetings which I was outstanding at.

That’s only an example of how much influence we absorb from those around us, and how that influence also shapes us to be who we are eventually. Because I was a bit boyish when I was younger, despite my girlish features, I was more courageous to do activities considered slightly rough for young girls at my age, such as cyclings to explore many corners of my hometown with my best friend during our free time in the afternoons, standing up to bullies by older young men who actually meant to tease us but we saw it as annoying to hell (how could u enjoy your favorite snacking moment at a food cart when those mature young men were teasingly appraising your look which at the time we did not understand at all that it was actually a flirt. Damned those perverts!), booked myself in an (almost free, as we dipped in very little amount of fee monthly) English courses at the city hall and even went to register myself as a member in public library. These all happened when I was not even reaching the age of 15. At the time, being 15 was still ‘dumb’ and innocent, unlike now. It’s a total different era now and then.

I must say all experiences & exposures above provide a huge impact in shaping me to who I am now: still nobody now but at least a rock solid and courageous dare to be different alpha (loving and caring) human being.

Yes, u may look cold or seem unapproachable, u may take an unusual life path to be your pure self, or you can dress or talk the way u want to without being dictated by fashion or general trend. As long as u still respect the norm, not a burden, a parasite to your family or your community, just continue to be yourself. Standing bold and pretty (or good looking ooh whatever the term is) with that unusual, slightly rebellious, stubborn and outspoken style, but mixed with kind sweet (as jelly) and delicate attitude (as cotton candy), will speak more about the real you rather than a boring programmed human being to meet the market standard! Being who you’re is extremely hot and a good catch, really! Smile☺️

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